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a completely non-sexual blog post about my boyfriend's bed

gentlemen: are you looking to get laid for cheap? well, then, do i have the product for you!

oh, wait. i promised this post wouldn’t be sexual.

so my boyfriend lucien has been considering getting a Tempurpedic mattress for a while. after some extensive and exhaustive research (read: going to various mattress stores and lying down on their beds), he still couldn’t decide which one he wanted. so when we found ourselves at Target (i freaking love Target!!!!! maybe to the point of it being a diagnosable problem) about a month ago and came across their Memory Foam 2” Mattress Topper, which cost basically what a Tempurpedic mattress fit for a bed in a dollhouse would cost, lucien said, why not? let’s give it a go. despite some disturbing reviews about the mattress topper coming out of the box all shriveled up like dried-up elephant skin (???!), he decided to take the plunge. we brought it home, waited just a few minutes for it to expand and un-elephantify itself, and then introduced it to the bed it would be topping. bonus: for a few minutes there, the chemical smell from the packaging made us feel happy and shiny.

oh, the comfort from this Tar-jay mattress topper. omgosh, it is delightful. you sink in and are relieved of back pain you didn’t even know you had. listen, people, if you’re in need of a new bed, this is your answer. tough times don’t have to mean tough mattresses! it might be more than that weird foam you put on top of your extra-long mattress in college, but i highly, highly endorse this product. echuckles stamp of approval. plus, the SEX-

oh, right. never mind.